A bit of an Update: health & ice

It is incredibly difficult to believe that we have been in Canada for three months. The snow is almost gone, and here and there one can see glimpses of bulb leaves pushing through the dirt. A wee bit behind the flowers in Britain and France, but they *are* coming!

The months have vanished into a flurry of work for Greg, administrative and medical appointments for us both, and a bit of a druggy haze for me.
To be honest, the reality is that -- laughter-filled visits and escapades with friends, colleagues and friends notwithstanding -- my health has been pretty lousy. Obviously the move and Christmas were full times that used up lots of energy, but it seems like the real issue is that I’ve reached the end of the efficacy for my ‘superdrug.’ Both it and the chemo drug appear to have a limited period of effectiveness, after which most bodies become too used to them. It seems like my body’s reached that stage. Aside from fatigue and general pain issues, this has manifested itself most ‘impedingly’ in my bad foot/ankle. That foot has given me occasional trouble on and off for years, but around Christmas it was getting much worse -- some days I could barely walk, others I was fine for a few blocks. However, not long after New Year’s the foot went completely on strike, and I’ve been pretty much dependent on a walker in the house or a wheelchair on the street ever since. For a while we were going to medical appts up to four and five times a week, which was pretty crazy. Greg’s darn good at making sure we have some fun in there somewhere, regardless, so we still made it out to the canal a couple more times, even onto a lake once, and we had a marvellous weekend with some friends we hadn’t seen since most of them were born (!) [Pictures below should explain that one….] But I’m afraid I really don’t remember much of the first part of this year! [I do remember that my mom came up and, along with my second cousins, helped unpack a whole bunch of stuff for us! As did a few good friends here in the city.] The long and the short of it is that the doctor’s upped me to max dose on all my drugs (with the Methx that meant 2 wks of nausea as my body readjusted, and my hair is thinning out again…and covering all of Greg’s shirts again!), and put me on a high long-term daily dose of steroids – until a better solution can be found. X-rays have concerned the doctors as RA doesn’t seem to explain everything going on in my foot, so I’m now scheduled for an MRI. I finally see the hand surgeon at the end of this month.

It’s the steroid bit that is really hard for me emotionally at the moment, because the dose is much higher than the one I was initially put on in Scotland – and *that* dose the doctors lowered even further, because I was gaining so much steroid-weight so rapidly. Even at the lowered Scottish dose I still gained over thirty pounds, which, when I stopped the dose 2 yrs later, I had to work hard at removing. And now I’ve started a much higher dose. Our bodies, our relationships with them, and how others respond to them, are funny things. I could write volumes on my reflections over the last 15 years on how people react differently – consciously and unconsciously -- in their body-influenced assessment of who we are. As Greg and/or I have morphed in and out of different physical-ability zones, had different visible and invisible restrictions, and fluctuated considerably in weight and wardrobe -- amongst strangers, acquaintances, friends -- I’ve become increasingly aware that while our bodies do not define us, they *are* an integral part of who we are, and – for better and for worse – a significant factor in how others relate to and with us. And while I – who have never had a model’s body, and am (now!) glad to not have had to deal with the trials that that itself brings – have perhaps been almost too proud in the past of not being “body-image obsessed,” I nonetheless think that neither a faith-shaped worldview (ie me) nor a non-faith worldview (many of my dear friends) cohesively allows for a “well, our bodies don’t *really* matter” perspective. Not if your belief system – Christian, atheist, or otherwise -- is thought through logically. Our bodies do matter. They are more than simply the vehicles that carry us through the day – yet even in that role as vehicles, how they do or do not function has great impact on our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual engagement with the world. And so, within all that, while not being able to walk one block to get a coffee, let alone to do the shopping, is testing my frustration levels at the moment, I am also sad that I will once again be gaining a bunch of weight, not fitting my clothes, and even having to face up to the fact that my pride wishes that friends and old acquaintances who I haven’t seen in ten, fifteen, or twenty years were seeing me as I looked in November 2008, not as I will likely look in April 2009. (Oh Pride ye are a dastardly thing!)

On the positive side of the big steroid dose:
as of this week I have a new abundance of energy. I’ve even been able to make Greg dinner for a change! (seriously my knight in shining armour; he deserves full pardon for not submitting his blog-report yet!!)
And, I’ve had the umph to be travelling out to a potential new home, and all that comes with such a venture. (And while we would love to tell you all about this potential new home, we shall wait and see how things pan out…watch this space!)
And while my brain is sometimes zooming about like I am on a permanent caffeine high, at least it is functioning again, and I can go find my desk and my books and pick up my academic pen (another thing I had to grieve, for I had planned on these first three months of this year being highly productive ones – not academically non-existent. To be honest, that has been the hardest thing of all.)

So on to the gallery, showing the last of winter. Hopefully there will be spring shots soon, and even ‘new home’ shots…!
All photos are via a wee point-&-shoot these days, a gift from Greg for Christmas as, until the hand is fixed, the ‘real camera’ isn’t an option. But with such subjects as we’ve had, who needs a ‘real’ camera? ;)
And I hope too to soon have some shots that will give a sense of ‘the Valley’ to those of you who do not know it. As mentioned before, although we now live near Greg’s immediate family, it is my extended family that ‘extends’ throughout this region! I’m loving catching up with cousins and second cousins, being near Grandma, my aunt, my great aunt (who’s been a wheelchair warrior since she was 22) and sharing them all with Greg. But it’s really kinda funny: after being so far away from any familial roots for so long… Greg’s starting to think that I’m related to half the province -- even main streets in Ottawa are named after ancestors of mine! And when we leave the city precincts, and start down those rural roads, there is no question: I feel like I’ve come Home.
And Greg? He said to a complete stranger the other day:
“Kirstin, she grew up in the Valley….and the Valley, it’s growing on me.”





Greg lacing up.




And our good friends the Noaks at the beginning of a canal venture...
(last time we saw them the eldest still could perch easily on Greg's shoulders!
I am pleased, btw, to announce that after a wkd with us the four eldest are well on their way to becoming bonefide Rook sharks!)





and here's what a bit of Winterlude crowd-dodging can do to a family...!

My gracious chauffeurs!

And here are the full visuals: BeaverTails! 

Mr Canada!




During Winterlude it's not just skating and eating that occurs on the ice -- there's activity galore: historic re-enactments, history galleries, firepits, snow-carving, etc etc

Enough to tire out the most gung-ho. Here's our goddaughter's brother Josiah, on another day: taking full advantage of his dad's good will!

And here's Tasha & her grandparents, skating into the winter sun...





And here we are at the lake: what a trio! Greg's colleague Mike on the skis, Greg in his skates, and me wheeling it. Amazingly, all modes of transport worked (though for some reason the others were a little more tired than I at the end of it!)


How wonderful it was to be out on a lake in the wilds again....